Jonny Keene has accepted your friend request.

So today yet another random requested my friendship on Facebook. I once again ignored, and sent them to my friend 'waiting room' where 45 others sit. Now if I was to accept those 45, it would only put my grand total at 200. Admittedly that isn't many by some standards, In fact scanning Facebook for two minutes I have managed to find five friends with over a thousand contacts! All of a sudden my 155 seems rather inadequate. It's clear some of us have become friend whores, accumulating hundreds if not thousands of 'loose ends.' I can't help but wonder, is it time for us to defriend?

Now lets backtrack to a rather embarrassing encounter. Whilst attending birthday drinks for a co worker last week I was introduced to a girl by one of my good friends. Unknown to both me and my friend, we had already been introduced. Shaking her hand and telling her my name provoked a fit of the giggles by the girl. Thinking I had something in my teeth, or that a random hair had escaped my lacquered efforts, I became quite self conscious. She then asked me if I was joking! Puzzled I replied, "I'm afraid Jonny is my name and has been for a while." My friend slunk away from the conversation just as the fit of the giggles turned into a rather awkward silence. The awkwardness only got worse when the girl asked me to guess her name. By the way, don't you hate it when people play that stupid guessing game? To cut a long story short we've been introduced not once but twice before, and been Facebook friends for 2 years. It took me a while to also realise that she had dated one of my best friends last year. I know, terrible right? It seems within my 155 friends at least one had been able to remain invisible, and maybe more. What about those of you with friends in the 500 plus region, how many 'loose ends' do you have? Are they such a bad thing?

I personally have developed quite intimate friendships via Facebook with people I'd never have met otherwise. Status updates themselves allow us to share what we've been up to during each others absence. I have spoken to my awkward moment girl a few times since our encounter, and have planned a lunch next week. I might hold off on the defriending for a while.

Wake up call.

Life for me over the past month hasn't been a walk in the park. In fact it has felt more like a marathon. Having so much disappointment over a short period of time really has been, for lack of a better word, shit. But have I been looking at it the wrong way? I cant help but wonder, has this all just been the ultimate wake up call?

Talking to one of my friends last night gave me the idea for this post. After having a whinge to him regarding my general state of affairs, the simple words "Jonny it's all just a test" stopped me dead in my tracks. Suddenly the weight of the world seemed to lift and everything became peachy creamy. But why? How could one statement offer so much clarity? Maybe it was the suggestion of a challenge that sparked my interest, or the realisation that for the past month I have spent so much time and energy feeling sorry for myself. A bit of both maybe. Okay admittedly the last month hasn't been a complete right off, quitting smoking, eating well and working out everyday is physically leaving me feeling amazing. Emotionally however is where this 'test' idea really works. I guess what I like most is it's forcing ability to make me work through my problems, and hopefully come out the other side with understanding. I don't think stewing over disappointments gets us anywhere, in fact it does us more harm than good. How can you possibly grow as a person and learn from your mistakes?

Yes it's easy to wait for things to blow over, or continue the way they were, but I don't want easy, easy doesn't make you grow, easy doesn't make you think. Being given a wake up call still isn't enough, it's the direction you take that makes all the difference.

Seeking your approval.

Seeking others approval, whether it be friends, family, co workers or a crush. Why is winning them over so important? What ever happened to believing in yourself?

I'm the first to admit, I'm constantly trying to win people over. Today is a perfect example. The simple act of spending that extra 10 minutes doing my hair this morning wasn't done for me. Nor was the horribly healthy run I went on when I woke up. They were done so the complete strangers I met at work thought I had great hair and looked fit. Sad but very true. Even last week I found myself seeking the approval of my friend Angus, telling him I had quit smoking and that I liked his ex, I never did either. So not only am I seeking the approval of complete strangers, but my friends also! I turn to my friend Matt for answers. Asking whose approval he seeks was a big fat slap in the face. "I don't go out of my way for anyone to like me, I never feel the need to win people over, I don't see the point. Whether people like me or not doesn't change anything." Matt is what Oprah would call a strong black woman. To tell you the truth I don't see the point in it either, but I still do it. Why I do it is what I'm continually puzzled by. I guess what it all boils down to is the fear of being judged, and lets face it we all do it, for some of us it's even a hobby. But why do I care what people think of me? Why should I care if someone doesn't like my hair, or thinks that my extremely lanky body is weird an unnatural. What does it change? Nothing!

It's a full time job trying to impress everyone. I've decided to hand in my notice and walk out the door.

Reinvention.

What is it about this word that makes us all believe in ourselves again? Whether it be a messy breakup, trouble at work or falling out with a friend, what makes reinvention the key to becoming yourself again?

I feel I am the perfect example of a person who plays the reinvention card. I can't count how many times I have gone back to the gym, got a new haircut, gone on a retail binge and quit smoking all in order to feel I can rule the world again. Coming off a string of disappointments including my grandmother's death, disagreements with my boss, sister moving to London and a break up, I once again turn to reinvention as my saviour. But why? What does reinvention have to do with moving on? For me it's quite simple, reinvention means proving you all wrong! Ok so I have a huge ego and I need to do something about it, but honestly isnt that what it's all about? For me there's no better feeling than making my boss eat her words, or proving I'm better being single.

Since this post is in great need of maturity, I turn to my friend Peter, asking what reinvention means to him provoked quite a different response. "For me it's about looking at my behaviours and actions and understanding what went wrong, and trying not to let it happen again." A response I wish I could give! In my defence Peter has a few years on me and thus more experience to call upon. I guess something I can look forward to in the years to come.

As for now, I rejoined my gym today, my haircut is on Wednesday and I'm going shopping on Friday.

Relationships.

After a few failed attempts, I can't help but wonder, when it comes to relationships, what is the secret ingredient?

Yes I am only 20, and yes I can only count on one hand the meaningful relationships I've had. However over the past few weeks this is something I have become increasing curious of. Many of my friends are currently in long term relationships some spanning nearly 2 years, the majority being in their early 20s. How can this be? My best achievement so far is 6 months! I set myself a mission to find out how this level of commitment is possible and what they called their 'secret ingredient.' After speaking to two of my friends one being in a relationship for a year and a half, the other 11 months, my answer was clear. You can't possibly know what a relationship is at 20! Both claimed to have found their 'soul mate' and their remarkable abilities to never fight. Never fight! Soul mates! After biting my tongue and forcing my laughter back where it came from, I got quite worried. Can it actually be possible to find 'the one' already? One went as far to say "Nothing he does ever annoys me, he's just perfect, I love spending everyday with him." If this is the 'secret ingredient' I don't think I want it. The word perfect is something that has always made me want to run as fast as I can in the other direction, hurling as I do so.

I don't want perfect, perfect doesn't make you grow. Prefect isn't the person who pushes all your buttons and makes you face your shit! More research is needed I feel.

Welcome and thanks Marc.

Hello, welcome I guess is the appropriate word. Firstly, thanks to my friend Marc Andrew Davies aka Marc Anastasia Beaverhausen for getting me to do this. I have been a loyal reader of his blog for months now, and love it. Thank you Marc you're a star.

I guess I will be writing about my life and the people in it. Things that inspire me, piss me off and everything in between. Can't wait to get started, and hope you find what I have to say interesting.