Soul Mate.

Two very simple words, one big punch in the guts for anyone single. But what is it about these two simple words that's really getting on my tits? I mean, is there really just one person out there for us? Are we meant to spend our whole lives looking for them? If that's the case then shoot me now and be done with it! I can't help but wonder, where does the pressure to find 'the one' come from, and why do we care so much?

It's not hard to answer the first part of my question, the second half seems to be a little more complex. For me the pressure is everywhere, just turn on your tv after prime time (when couples are blissfully sleeping away and us single loners are still active,) and you will be told to join a website so that you can find your soul mate. All you have to do is pay a nice monthly fee and a computer will do the rest! Simple! A perfect example of this being mrsingle.net.au, a dating agency claiming to "Help you on your journey to find the one." Even whilst driving to uni and work I'm reminded of my loner status, bloody T2 lanes! However a perfect example of this 'pressure' came last week. Walking to coffee was brought to a halt when I was stopped by a girl that I used to work with, the small talk began and it wasn't long before the question was asked, "Seeing anyone special?" I replied with a simple "No," which may have been a lie, however I wanted a prompt change of subject. I was hopeful, however mistaken. She replied with "Oh it's okay, the right person's out there, and when you meet them you'll be so happy and better for it." Now repeat that quote channelling Ja'mie from Summer Heights High and you get the full effect. Needless to say she's in a relationship and has been for a while. Poor guy. I was so stunned I don't remember saying goodbye to her.

I hate to admit it, but I think she may have answered the second part of my question. Is it the promise of happiness and fulfillment that drives us to seek out this supposed soul mate? Once we have found 'the one,' do our lives become magically more meaningful and suddenly validated? Love can't actually be like Love Actually! Then again, even Bradshaw finds Mr Big.

Switch off.

If you were to stop look and listen carefully at your surroundings, 2010 looks and sounds like the Harbour Tunnel in am peak hour. Everyone wants to cut ahead, we sit white knuckling while Kyle and Jackie O pollute our minds and we long for the weekend exit to appear. But we keep driving and somehow that exit eludes us, the weekend comes and to-do lists are created, social networking takes over (a job in itself) and uni work is caught up on. I cant help but wonder, what happened to making time for yourself?

But how do we create this time? What does it take to have time just for yourself? This much I've learned: you don't wait for something to give, you give yourself. Yes it's hard, but creating your own boundaries is the most important thing one can do. Sunday used to do it for us, the shops weren't open! Can we turn off our phones? Can we stop emailing on the weekend? Even better, can we go two days without Facebook? Okay admittedly that last one even made me a little nervous. But when I say making time for yourself, I do mean yourself and not those little crutches. Reading an article on the weekend gave me the idea for this post. Apparently Google treats its employees once a week with '2o Percent Day,' a half day where all phones and computers are switched off and employees work on their own personal creative projects. Google News and G mail were both born from this forced down time. One of my best friends Rob has even adopted this idea. Lawyer by day, Extreme Kayaker by night, well, Sunday mornings. As inspiring as Rob and that article are, creating time for myself has been a pretty weak effort so far. Sneaky emails, Facebook checks and my phone lasting 30 minutes switch off time proves this. Oh not to mention the copious amount of uni work that was put off due to the viewing of Underbelly and just about any marathon on Arena. Isnt Arena the best?

But it's time to get serious. I do realise that not everyone can wake up and tell their boss they're not coming in on Saturdays anymore. However even if it's 20 minutes where you cut contact with the world and take the time to gain perspective, dream, be creative and set your own boundaries. I think we'll be better for it. Let me know how you go.

Ignorance is bliss.

Spotting ignorance lately hasn't been a hard task. In fact, ignorance has felt like a bad roommate over the past few months, smelly, messy and hard to get rid of. As we struggle with life's ups and downs, and long for a bit of mental peace of quite, I can't help but wonder, is ignorance really bliss?

Just to be clear, according to Mr Dictionary to be ignorant is to display a lack of knowledge or understanding. Ignorance being the decision to not seek knowledge or understanding. The later being my point of interest. Personally Ignorance has had a profound impact on many areas of my life, mainly effecting my friendships. Backtracking about eight months and I can find a time when ignorance really took over. One of my then best friends had come out of a serious long term relationship. Although not long term, I myself was exiting a relationship, and for a few weeks both found comfort and support in each other. Meeting her now boyfriend on a trip to Queensland changed everything. It wasn't long before I became second choice. Instead of being excited for her I felt the opposite, ignorance took over and I refused to acknowledge all existence of their relationship. Selfishness and immaturity anyone? I guess what frustrated me the most was her ability to turn everything around and become so happy again so quickly. Something that I've never been able to do. It's been eight months since we've spoken. Ignorance caught up with me again just last week, this time for a much different reason. If exiting a relationship has taught me one thing, it's that you can never expect the other person to change who they are. No matter how hard you try, you can't. Haven't I become ignorant of that fact! Took me a while to experience that Oprah 'Ah ha Moment.'

Ignorance can have such a negative impact on our lives. Personally it has seen me loose a very close friendship, one that I might never have again. As well as allowing myself to be hurt repeatedly by someone who doesn't have the emotional intelligence to understand their actions actually effect people. I invite you to take the time to look back and see where you have short circuited and let ignorance take over. Ignorance, not my idea of bliss.

Jonny Keene has accepted your friend request.

So today yet another random requested my friendship on Facebook. I once again ignored, and sent them to my friend 'waiting room' where 45 others sit. Now if I was to accept those 45, it would only put my grand total at 200. Admittedly that isn't many by some standards, In fact scanning Facebook for two minutes I have managed to find five friends with over a thousand contacts! All of a sudden my 155 seems rather inadequate. It's clear some of us have become friend whores, accumulating hundreds if not thousands of 'loose ends.' I can't help but wonder, is it time for us to defriend?

Now lets backtrack to a rather embarrassing encounter. Whilst attending birthday drinks for a co worker last week I was introduced to a girl by one of my good friends. Unknown to both me and my friend, we had already been introduced. Shaking her hand and telling her my name provoked a fit of the giggles by the girl. Thinking I had something in my teeth, or that a random hair had escaped my lacquered efforts, I became quite self conscious. She then asked me if I was joking! Puzzled I replied, "I'm afraid Jonny is my name and has been for a while." My friend slunk away from the conversation just as the fit of the giggles turned into a rather awkward silence. The awkwardness only got worse when the girl asked me to guess her name. By the way, don't you hate it when people play that stupid guessing game? To cut a long story short we've been introduced not once but twice before, and been Facebook friends for 2 years. It took me a while to also realise that she had dated one of my best friends last year. I know, terrible right? It seems within my 155 friends at least one had been able to remain invisible, and maybe more. What about those of you with friends in the 500 plus region, how many 'loose ends' do you have? Are they such a bad thing?

I personally have developed quite intimate friendships via Facebook with people I'd never have met otherwise. Status updates themselves allow us to share what we've been up to during each others absence. I have spoken to my awkward moment girl a few times since our encounter, and have planned a lunch next week. I might hold off on the defriending for a while.

Wake up call.

Life for me over the past month hasn't been a walk in the park. In fact it has felt more like a marathon. Having so much disappointment over a short period of time really has been, for lack of a better word, shit. But have I been looking at it the wrong way? I cant help but wonder, has this all just been the ultimate wake up call?

Talking to one of my friends last night gave me the idea for this post. After having a whinge to him regarding my general state of affairs, the simple words "Jonny it's all just a test" stopped me dead in my tracks. Suddenly the weight of the world seemed to lift and everything became peachy creamy. But why? How could one statement offer so much clarity? Maybe it was the suggestion of a challenge that sparked my interest, or the realisation that for the past month I have spent so much time and energy feeling sorry for myself. A bit of both maybe. Okay admittedly the last month hasn't been a complete right off, quitting smoking, eating well and working out everyday is physically leaving me feeling amazing. Emotionally however is where this 'test' idea really works. I guess what I like most is it's forcing ability to make me work through my problems, and hopefully come out the other side with understanding. I don't think stewing over disappointments gets us anywhere, in fact it does us more harm than good. How can you possibly grow as a person and learn from your mistakes?

Yes it's easy to wait for things to blow over, or continue the way they were, but I don't want easy, easy doesn't make you grow, easy doesn't make you think. Being given a wake up call still isn't enough, it's the direction you take that makes all the difference.

Seeking your approval.

Seeking others approval, whether it be friends, family, co workers or a crush. Why is winning them over so important? What ever happened to believing in yourself?

I'm the first to admit, I'm constantly trying to win people over. Today is a perfect example. The simple act of spending that extra 10 minutes doing my hair this morning wasn't done for me. Nor was the horribly healthy run I went on when I woke up. They were done so the complete strangers I met at work thought I had great hair and looked fit. Sad but very true. Even last week I found myself seeking the approval of my friend Angus, telling him I had quit smoking and that I liked his ex, I never did either. So not only am I seeking the approval of complete strangers, but my friends also! I turn to my friend Matt for answers. Asking whose approval he seeks was a big fat slap in the face. "I don't go out of my way for anyone to like me, I never feel the need to win people over, I don't see the point. Whether people like me or not doesn't change anything." Matt is what Oprah would call a strong black woman. To tell you the truth I don't see the point in it either, but I still do it. Why I do it is what I'm continually puzzled by. I guess what it all boils down to is the fear of being judged, and lets face it we all do it, for some of us it's even a hobby. But why do I care what people think of me? Why should I care if someone doesn't like my hair, or thinks that my extremely lanky body is weird an unnatural. What does it change? Nothing!

It's a full time job trying to impress everyone. I've decided to hand in my notice and walk out the door.

Reinvention.

What is it about this word that makes us all believe in ourselves again? Whether it be a messy breakup, trouble at work or falling out with a friend, what makes reinvention the key to becoming yourself again?

I feel I am the perfect example of a person who plays the reinvention card. I can't count how many times I have gone back to the gym, got a new haircut, gone on a retail binge and quit smoking all in order to feel I can rule the world again. Coming off a string of disappointments including my grandmother's death, disagreements with my boss, sister moving to London and a break up, I once again turn to reinvention as my saviour. But why? What does reinvention have to do with moving on? For me it's quite simple, reinvention means proving you all wrong! Ok so I have a huge ego and I need to do something about it, but honestly isnt that what it's all about? For me there's no better feeling than making my boss eat her words, or proving I'm better being single.

Since this post is in great need of maturity, I turn to my friend Peter, asking what reinvention means to him provoked quite a different response. "For me it's about looking at my behaviours and actions and understanding what went wrong, and trying not to let it happen again." A response I wish I could give! In my defence Peter has a few years on me and thus more experience to call upon. I guess something I can look forward to in the years to come.

As for now, I rejoined my gym today, my haircut is on Wednesday and I'm going shopping on Friday.